As of February 23rd, all of my patient information, all of my registration paperwork, all of my medical history and even my pre-payment for my surgery was taken care of – done and out of the way. Flights were booked. Hotel was reserved. It was a very stressful week that, by Friday, felt like a whirlwind. Similar to when we got married 10 days after we confessed feelings for one another. Everything just moved so fast.
Then, Jarrod and I took a much-needed weekend to decompress. We went to dinner and a movie on Friday evening, and just relaxed for the weekend. No talks of money, no talks of travel arrangements, no talks of medical services. The only talks we had surrounding the issue were our hopes and dreams for this little life that has yet to come.
I’m not going to sugar-coat anything…. to be honest I’m scared. I mean, Jarrod and I have both had tons of experience with babies, with our own kids growing up as far as teenagers so far. He has experience with children that are grown, as he raised his ex-stepchildren before his own. But thinking about being responsible for a baby all over again… the diapers, the sleepless nights, the childcare, the 100% dependence on us and no independence at all… its intimidating. I have deeply adjusted to having my freedom. Its something I’ve only had for the last year or so. I can come and go as I please, I can work and go out without having to worry so much about childcare or any of that. My kids can cook and entertain themselves. And now we’re going to start over. Don’t get me wrong, having a baby with Jarrod is something I WANT very much. Its just intimidating.
I think despite my concerns, having a baby at this point in life, with the experience we both have, and the simple fact that we have each other to lean on and share responsibilities with, will make all the difference. I think it will be easier than I expect because all I’ve really known is single-parenthood. When I was younger and had my boys, I never had the loving, ideal relationship, or stable income and home life. Having that with Jarrod, I think this will be an amazing experience. Not only do we get to create a new life that we get to create together… but we get to give the girls AND the boys a new baby brother or sister. This will unify our family as one.
Jarrod and I expect that once my surgery is done, and then he can get his as well, it won’t take us long to conceive. Even though I am considered to be of “advanced maternal age,” he and I were both very fertile before our surgeries. I’m sure it won’t take more than a couple cycles to become pregnant. I can’t wait to be pregnant. I can’t wait to get this started.